


Best Back Pocket Secret

by allfireburns



Category: Firefly
Genre: 5 Things, Developing Relationship, Episode Related, Episode: s01e05 Safe, Episode: s01e07 Jaynestown, Episode: s01e14 Objects in Space, F/M, Love, POV Third Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-23
Updated: 2009-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-05 01:49:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allfireburns/pseuds/allfireburns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five things Mal never told River.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Best Back Pocket Secret

**i. relief**  
Something about having River on the ship again made the crew feel whole and right. It wasn't like you could even tell the girl was there, she moved around so quietly, but Serenity herself seemed to know she was onboard - and she liked it that way.  
And that was why he was willing to go back to save her, guns in hand. True, a big part of it was that she and her brother were on the crew, and Kaylee would never stop pouting if he left them. A part of him, though, was convinced _Serenity_ wouldn't forgive him if he left them.  
That moonbrained girl was getting to him. And from the way River looked at him, smiled at him, she knew.

**ii. amusement**  
He wasn't around when it happened, being busy with Jayne Day and getting the job done and all. Zoe told him, of course, afterwards, what River had done to Shepherd Book's bible, and how she'd hidden afterwards. The Shepherd still seemed to be keeping close to his bible, like he was still worried something might happen to it.  
Mal didn't actually say it, certainly, but he couldn't help but be privately amused, and even approve a little. Didn't hurt to put the preacher in his place from time to time, and the fact that River had done it made it somehow even better.

**iii. pride**  
After the incident with the bounty hunter, Mal wasn't entirely sure what to think, what to feel. A little silly, for sure, for getting knocked out and then believing River'd really turned herself into Serenity - though the bump on the head could excuse that. Annoyed with himself, that someone had gotten on the ship, put his crew in danger, scared the living daylights out of Kaylee, and he hadn't stopped it.  
And proud. Proud that her plan had worked, proud that while the rest of them had been knocked unconscious or locked in their bunks, River knew what to do. _Feng le_ she might be, but damn useful too. And watching her and Kaylee play on the floor of the cargo bay, he couldn't help but wonder why he'd even listened to her, except that he'd believed she really was a reader, and he had no one else to trust.  
Suddenly, without any indication of how she'd noticed him, River looked up, directly at him on the catwalk, and smiled. And then Mal really didn't know what to feel.

**iv. fear**  
He never told (_River_) anyone just how scared he was when he looked around that tiny room they'd all barricaded themselves in, and realized she wasn't there. "River?" he asked softly, though everyone's expressions told the story anyway. His mind flickered through everything the Reavers could have done to her, so much worse than what they'd done to Wash, a thousand bloody, painful images that made him sick just thinking of it...  
And then the doors opened, and she was the only one standing, weapons in her hands like some ancient goddess of war from Earth-that-was, beautiful in the destruction she wrought. Their eyes met, and though they were both bloodied, dirtied, wounded, they were both still standing. Mal could breathe again.

**v. love**  
It took him a long time to realize he couldn't take his eyes off her whenever she was in the same room. It was just the way she moved, that was all, like everything was a dance - going down the stairs, stepping through a door, steering the ship. It was fascinating, like looking at the stars - a thing of beauty, right there and so far away at the same time.  
It took him longer to realize _why_ he couldn't take his eyes off her, and longer for him to accept it. She was just so _young_ \- younger than Kaylee, who would always be his _mèimei_ \- and it wasn't like he was scared of Simon or anything, but the fact that he was _there_ somehow made it seem all the more wrong, and anyway, the girl was crazy (alright, not as crazy since Miranda, but still crazy).  
And none of that changed the fact that he'd been in love with her since he first saw her in that box.


End file.
